


Falling

by ManuelleVictoire



Category: Glee
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Boys Kissing, Boys' Love, Cheating, Coffee Shops, Comfort/Angst, Confusion, Depression, Developing Relationship, Face Punching, Falling In Love, Fluff and Angst, Fluffy Ending, Frenemies, Friends to Lovers, Friendship, Heartbreak, Hurt, Hurt/Comfort, Implied Sexual Content, M/M, NYADA, Not Blaine or Klaine Friendly, OTP Feels, People Watching, Texting, cursing
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-05-10
Updated: 2014-06-15
Packaged: 2018-01-24 05:28:03
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 9,050
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1593239
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ManuelleVictoire/pseuds/ManuelleVictoire
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sebastian is surprised to find himself caring about Kurt-the-gay-faced-Hummel. As the time passes by he gets more involved than he ever thought he could with any other person...</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Falling Into the Unknown

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Inspired by the last scene of the “The Untilted Rachel Berry Project” Promo combined with overwhelming need to free Kurt.  
> I tried to adjust to Glee timeline but their leaps are confusing enough. Sorry for the mistakes. 
> 
> Thank you, @BrighidsForge for putting up with my questionable grammar.
> 
> I intended to make it sweet but you know how's Kurtbastian. They never listen, so...  
> I still hope you'll like it.
> 
> Warning for Sebastian acting a little bit creepy.
> 
> Enjoy!

* * *

 

The first time Sebastian saw Kurt in New York City was the day after he realized studying at NYU was a lot different than in high school. Even if said high school  _was_ Dalton Academy, which held high expectations of its students. He was tired and frustrated because  _his_ expectations differed from reality. There was proportionally much more studying and less fucking. He was in the mood for grumping so he decided to treat himself with his favorite coffee.

Sebastian was surprised to find himself hidden in a corner of a café, clad in a comfortable, warm grey coat and a beanie, just observing. He was aware that Kurt was a citizen of New York, a highly praised student of NYADA, similarly highly regarded Vogue.com intern and engaged to the one and only Blaine Anderson (aka Prince Charming), and he subconsciously awaited the moment they’d meet again. The gay scene was only this big. Even in New York City. So when that moment came, he was astonished he didn’t do a single thing, but watch.

Although he would never affirm it, he actually visualized their meeting. Where could they possibly meet, what would he say, what would Kurt do… how would he look like? And right then, he was itching to come and make fun of the corniness of the circumstances of their reunion. He would say something along these lines:

“Hadn’t taken you for a cross-dresser, Princess! Wearing boy clothes, for once.”

And then Kurt would turn his way and answer:

“So you _do_ live in a coffee shop, after all.” Referring to their surroundings. Because _of course_ they’d meet again in a freaking café! 

Sebastian sighed and stepped into the cold January evening, leaving the warm harbor of a café and Kurt Hummel behind.

Days passed and turned into weeks that turned into months and Sebastian got to know the countertenor’s schedule. Even if Sebastian hadn’t yet approached Kurt or made his existence known- God only knows why not- he observed the pale young man from a distance in his favorite corner.  The green-eyed man would sit quietly, sipping on his flavored coffee for few minutes and then walk out of the coffee shop with a sigh. And he learned a lot about Kurt during these past few months.

Sebastian found Kurt sitting by his table every Monday, Wednesday and Thursday. Sebastian came to the conclusion that this place was Kurt’s asylum, his secret place he ran to whenever he felt like he needed space and time to think. Because Sebastian had never found Kurt accompanied by his friends or even Blaine.  And as the weeks passed, the time Kurt spent sketching furiously while seated in a leather armchair seemed to lengthen.

Also, Sebastian could recognize how not only Kurt's time spent in the comfortable interior of the cafe changed, but also Kurt himself had changed. January seemed to be a cheerful month in his life. He was radiating warmth. His clothing was colorful and flossy, his hand working on his sketches effortlessly and confidently. Sebastian had no trouble spotting his lips softly turning into a smile. It seemed subconscious and that said a lot about how happy Kurt felt. As the time flew, the end of February brought frustration into every move Kurt made. He was easily irritated and his features were guarded. At first Sebastian thought mockingly that Kurt was in need of a good fuck, but beneath his anger, sat aggravation. What for? He had no idea, but it disturbed Kurt enough to tear up some of the projects he had worked on for days.

The biggest change Sebastian picked up on was when the alabaster-skinned youth abandoned the coffee shop for a while. There were 2 or 3 weeks in which Sebastian didn’t see Kurt sitting in his comfortable armchair, legs crossed, hands sketching enthusiastically. But when he finally returned, Sebastian was struck by the difference he saw in Kurt. And he couldn’t even tell what was it exactly. Kurt hadn’t changed much from the outside. He looked the same to Sebastian. Maybe there was a little bit more muscle visible and less layers of clothing but that was smooth enough for Sebastian not to notice at first glance. Kurt radiated confidence. He was proud, he was strong and comfortable in his own skin. Sebastian wasn’t the only one who could feel it. There was a number of both men and women of all ages looking at him hungrily, lusting.

May was approaching when this confidence seemed to be slowly disappearing. There were times when Kurt just sat there smiling, being happy and content. But the next day he would turn his lips into one thin line from chewing on them and frown. It looked like Kurt was having a hard time deciding if he liked to be happy or grumpy and sad. There was no pattern.

But one sunny day, everything Sebastian grew accustomed to have shifted. That day, when the emerald-eyed boy walked in the coffee shop, he found Kurt sitting in a leather armchair, not sketching, but gazing into space. The area that Kurt was looking at was dangerously close to the entrance, and as a result, to Sebastian as he walked into the shop. And to tell the truth, Sebastian was glad; he had had enough of hiding.  He actually yearned to relive the feeling he had had whenever Kurt opened his mouth and let his snarky tongue speak, when they were back in Ohio. So he closed his eyes, took a deep breath, and headed towards Kurt.

“Hadn’t taken you for a cross-dresser, Princess! Wearing boy clothes for once.”

 _Oh god…_ Sebastian thought. _Is it actually happening? Did he just say exactly what he had imagined when playing these little scenes with Kurt? So pathetic, he can’t even…_

But he didn’t get the reaction he had visualized in his mind.

Kurt’s eyes cleared, his body visibly went into a defensive mode as he turned his head towards ex-Warbler.

“I’m not a girl…” Kurt hissed hatefully, eyes sending daggers like never before and already reaching for his belongings.

Sebastian stood before Kurt’s table dumbstruck, his mind not wrapping around what actually was happening. Sure, they were fighting with each other, always the ones to cross yet another line and spill the vicious words from their mouths, but there had never been a situation where Kurt reacted like this. Sebastian was sure Kurt wouldn’t react in such way after not interacting with each other for so long. He thought- at least he hoped- he wasn’t the only one who _enjoyed_ their little exchanges.

When Sebastian managed to finally blink and think, he realized Kurt vanished. He spun around just in time to see the hastily retreating Kurt disappear through the door and into the crowd of always hurrying New Yorkers. A few seconds afterward, Sebastian found himself on the street, looking for Kurt. When he finally spotted the slim chestnut haired man heading to the subway, Sebastian started to run, knowing he’d lose him the second he’d get under ground.

“Kurt!” He shouted. “Kurt…! Stop! For Christ’s sake, just wait a minute.”

Sebastian reached for Kurt, catching his arm and spinning him around. But he wasn’t ready for what he has seen.

Kurt was crying. No, he was sobbing. His glasz eyes shining from the gathering tears, white of the eye turning red, flushed wet cheeks and runny nose. He hiccupped and trembled. And Sebastian had no idea what to do.

“Kurt….” He whispered, shock evident in his voice.

“How dare you, Sebastian?! Are you really this cruel? Don’t you have more important things to do than to torture me?” the broken boy stuttered.

“What are you talking about? I’m sorry… I’m sorry I called you a girl, but it’s…” this time Sebastian felt a sharp pain shooting up his arm, as Kurt pulled away his hand, from the spot he hit him. _Hard_.

“Stop it!” Kurt shouted, not caring about the looks they were given.

“No… Geez, Kurt, calm down…” Sebastian tried to say, as he held Kurt’s hands in his tightly, not letting him slap him anymore. “What happened?”

“Don’t make it sound like you already don’t know! Don’t make me say that. Not to you… Please…!” Suddenly all of Kurt’s will and strength disappeared and he trembled, on the verge of a physical collapse. Sebastian, not wanting to let him slide to the ground, held him tight in an awkward embrace, asking himself for the nth time what was really happening.

“You can go after your Blaine, Sebastian… I’m not going to stop you now.” Kurt sobbed into his arm, clutching him desperately, like his life depended on it. Emotions- hurt, sorrow and despair - overwhelmed him, making him weak and clingy.

Sebastian hissed a breath into his lungs, suddenly angry with Blaine. What had that gel-headed idiot done to hurt Kurt like this? What did he do, to make Kurt so vulnerable and helpless?

Every time that Sebastian found himself in a situation involving Kurt Hummel, Kurt had proven time and time again how strong a character he was. He was independent, hard-working, driven and full of passion. That made him such a beautiful target for Sebastian’s antics. There was hardly a person he considered  equal or interesting enough. Sebastian was well aware what an arrogant little shit he was, but he didn’t want to change that simply because society thought being nice was good. Stupidity pissed him off and he would _never_ lower his standards. But in that moment, Sebastian found himself caring about what happened to Kurt and how the hell to help him come back to his normal self.

“I don’t think your proposition has any appeal to me anymore, Princess.” The second his words left his mouth, Sebastian’s jaw clenched and he shut his eyes close, because really, Sebastian? Princess?! Now?! And yes, here it came:

“I’m NOT a girl!” Kurt shouted angrily, but as he pulled back from Sebastian, his eyes were filled with misery rather than anger.

Sebastian rushed to apologize, but then Kurt broke down again.

“I’m not a giiiirlllll…. Sebastian. I’m not… I’m not a girl….” Kurt cried. “Blaine doesn’t want me anymore… I’m not a girl.”

“What are you saying, Kurt?”

“Blaine… Blaine cheated on me. He cheated with a girl, Sebastian! A girl! My _ex_ -girlfriend, my friend, a… a _lesbian_! What am I supposed to think?!”

Sebastian stood rooted into the ground.

“Wh-what?” He stuttered. Had he heard this right? Blaine slept with a _girl_?

And Kurt explained, letting go of the things poisoning his heart and making him feel miserable. For the first time since he found out and broke up with Blaine, he let his words float. He hadn’t told any of his friends _the_ reason behind his split up with his fiancé. They knew Blaine cheated there was no such thing like 'private' in their tight group of friends. They loved drama and gossip. But they couldn't understand why this time differed so significantly and hurt Kurt so deeply. Besides being cheated on _again_.

If he felt like dying the first time, then this surely had to be hell. Kurt was brutally stripped of everything he worked so hard on. Suddenly he was in his sophomore year, being thrown into a dumpster, pushed into lockers, made fun of and _alone_ , without his father or friends' support. But this time it felt even worse, because he had fallen to this miserable place from up above. A life he was happy with. He was successful, admired, free and _understood_. He spread his wings and the moment he actually soared into the sky, he felt a sharp lurch pulling and dragging him down. After he worked so hard on his self-esteem and belief in his success, it was destroyed by a principle.

It was a principle that when you love somebody, you are faithful to them. You are able to do anything just to make sure your love is happy and content. So Kurt felt even more betrayed. He let himself believe somebody could love him romantically.  Love him enough to commit to him for a lifetime, despite a rocky past relationship. He let himself think _Blaine_ was in love with him. He let himself believe people can change. Everybody makes mistakes and it's only fair to give them another chance, along with support they need. But look what this led to. Kurt was betrayed by a principle; his morals and view of the world shuddered and started to crumble. He felt like he had nothing left- he knew nothing.

And being cheated on by a gay man with a girl? That was just humiliating. 

Kurt found comfort in Sebastian’s strong arms and spilled his soul out- all his worries and doubts. And Sebastian couldn’t possibly be more surprised by the way his heart responded to the words Kurt was saying. He was hurt that something in Kurt’s life could make this strong, handsome countertenor feel so low and think so critically of himself.

“I feel like I’ve been living a lie, Sebastian. And I’m not even talking about my relationship with Blaine. I mean my whole life. How can I believe in love, in romance, and the good in people, when all I’ve experienced was… anything but-! I don’t know who I am, anymore…” Sebastian heard Kurt saying, as he pulled back and slowly tried to make himself presentable.

Sebastian felt conflicted and unsure of what to do next. He had never been good with words, but there was something in Kurt’s voice that made him try to make it better.

“I don’t know what you’d like to hear from me,” Sebastian answered honestly, concentrating on the tip of his shoes.”but don’t ever let others define you and your view of things… **_I am not what happened to me, I am what I choose to become_**.” He maintained eye contact with Kurt to make sure he fully understood what he wanted to tell him.

To say the least, Kurt was surprised. He didn’t even know what actually led to this conversation with his enemy (or was it frenemy?) but Sebastian’s thoughtfulness and interest baffled him. It made him want to think twice, before admitting his raw feelings, but Kurt was startled that Sebastian made him feel safe enough to let go. It didn’t feel like he wanted to use his vulnerable state to his advantage and blackmail him into something. Actually, the fact that Sebastian was the source of consolation made him feel better and astonished him. Sebastian was acting like a dear, considerate friend. In fact he behaved better, than some of his actual friends had been at times. The mere thought was disturbing, but it didn’t make it any less true. And Kurt was thankful, because the words Sebastian tried to inspire him with were working.

Kurt blinked the surprise away and made an effort to smile. Sebastian shifted back into his cocky expression, seeing the change in boy’s mood.

“Well, I don’t think I can imagine you any less flamboyant and annoying.” Sebastian smirked, pulling Kurt up the subway stairs. “Come on. I’m buying you coffee.”

“I’m not going anywhere without a promise of a big piece of cheesecake.” Kurt threatened half-heartedly.

Sebastian laughed out loud, letting go of the stress that crept up on him when he was trying to not to hurt Kurt anymore than he already was.

“Cheesecake it is, then.”

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Boldfaced sentence is a quote from C.G. Jung.
> 
> I hope you liked it. Thanks for your time and please leave a review?


	2. Falling In Like

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've never thought updating this story would take me so much time. My life was a whirlwind, lately. Whoever enjoyed the first chapter, I'm sorry for the delay.
> 
> Although I'm not as happy with the story as I'd like to be, I came to the conclusion I have to publish my scribbles now, or I won't do it ever. So I'm sorry for that too and I sincerly hope you'll like it either way. I'm a little scared of your reaction, to say the truth.
> 
> Big thank you, for all of you, who read the story and liked my babies enough to leave kudos or a very appreciated comment. They make my day.
> 
> Thank you, @BrighidsForge for covering the story. Again.
> 
> Well, enjoy!
> 
> I really hope you'll like it. *fingers crossed*

* * *

 

They texted each other constantly.

Ever since that strange encounter with Kurt that led them to their little “coffee date” and accepting Friend requests on Facebook, they have kept in touch. It started with little snarky conversations on the community portal that turned into text messages, because, as Kurt has said, it was _easier_. And, man… Sebastian’s friends were pissed. There was rarely a moment when Sebastian’s phone wouldn’t vibrate with a promise of a text message and Sebastian wasn’t the type of person who would abandon his phone just because it is appropriate not to be an asshole to your friends in the middle of a conversation.

That also meant Sebastian didn’t see anything wrong with texting Kurt during classes in NYU.

 _“OMG… Can’t Santana keep her sex to her bedroom?”_ said the text Sebastian got when the worst professor _ever_ tried to introduce to students the history behind every journalism genres.

“ _Stop the virgin talking_ ” Sebastian smirked imagining what exactly Kurt has seen.

“ _I’m NOT a virgin. Thank you very much.”_

“ _Doesn’t mean you know what REAL sex is, either.”_ He replied quickly.

 _“Oh please… Like you know any better. A quicky in a bathroom stall at a seedy gay bar is not real sex, either.”_ Sebastian felt Kurt rolling his eyes just by reading the text.

 _“So what’s "real" sex to you, then?”_ Only after sending the message did Sebastian realize it might have been a mistake. Although they kept on texting with each other for a month, it was more of a teasing banter. So this question was… -even Sebastian could admit it- intrusive and inappropriate to ask. Especially for an inexperienced rosy cheeked boy in the Lima Bean desperately clutching his boyfriend’s arm as if he could physically keep him by his side that Sebastian still remembered so vividly.

So when his phone vibrated in his hand with a new text message, he didn’t expect the content to be like this.

 _“Not a hook-up. That’s for sure._ _But… It’s the passion._ _Like you can feel the fire crawling on your skin. It’s the burning of desire to touch and being touched, the  n e e d. It’s like you have no control over your body._ _There’s no thought, only feeling… Worshiping of the body..._ _I don’t know. It’s silly.”_

Sebastian only then realized that every time he read Kurt’s messages, he could actually hear him say it. And Sebastian didn’t know how he felt about Kurt speaking softly to him about sex. Whispering in his ear. He could almost feel his hot breath on his neck. His body radiating warmth…

That was when the old, boring to death professor stood beside him, glaring at him with disapproval and angrily gesturing for Sebastian to give him his phone. And _seriously? Who does that anymore?_ Sebastian thought to himself grumpily, wanting the class to be over.

But the class continued on for another 30 minutes and there was no way in hell Sebastian could be interested in anything this old-fashioned fool had to say.

 _Who let him teach here?!_ Sebastian complained. But his mind couldn’t focus on complaining for the man, the faculty and NYU for long either. And it was pissing Sebastian off even more, because he was left with his wondering thoughts of Kurt and that strange feeling in his stomach. To Sebastian, it was dangerously similar to stomach flu with all these flips in his stomach and dizziness. And it was annoying.

But finally, when classes ended Sebastian got back his device from the asshole, who couldn’t stop bitching about how disrespectful Sebastian was and how he should be ashamed and work on himself and… something. To tell the truth, Sebastian stopped listening the minute Mr. Burton opened his mouth.

 _Just horrible_. Sebastian winced, leaving the class behind and unlocking his screen. He had 6 unread messages. From Kurt.

_“I bet your definition of sex is very business-like. Get the job done as satisfactorily and quickly as possible?”_

_“Okay… I know it’s silly. This whole concept of worshiping of the body._ _Huh”_

_“… Bastian?”_

_“Did I say something wrong? I’m sorry if I hurt you or something.”_

_“WHY ARE YOU NOT ANSWERING?”_

_“Okay…. I get the hint. Bye, Sebastian.”_

Sebastian tried not to grin madly at Kurt’s desperation as he wrote back.

_“Calm down, princess. I got into trouble for texting you in class.”_

The answer was immediate.

_“Why didn’t you tell me you were in classes? I’m sorry. Was it bad?”_

_“Have no idea. I stopped listening after I heard him say my name in that monotonous voice of his. That asshole even made my name sound boring! How can he do that?”_

_“Oh, you’re so full of yourself.”_ Sebastian smiled, but before he could answer, he got another message.

_“Cassandra July. That means NO texting. I have classes. xo”_

 

* * *

Sebastian hated subways. And pavements. Well, mostly he hated crowds. Or should he say- people. Seriously. What did he do in New York, the city of 8,000,000 citizens?

Mornings made him grumpy. But mornings on days like that made him just bitchy. Sebastian hated the mere thought of not being in control, but lacking it in real life was even worse.

When Sebastian awoke that day, he _felt_ it was going to be an awful morning. His head hurt from the thumping in his temple, his eyes were bloodshot and his whole body was sore. He knew he shouldn't have stayed up so late into the night, but that wasn't even his fault. Sebastian thought it would be at least bearable if that were the consequences of an amazing night spent dancing in a club or getting laid, but he was fucking studying! Again. And it would be enough to make him hate everything and everyone, but to make everything worse, there was no warm water when he had to take a shower, he ran out of coffee and he was already royally late for the classes he was studying so hard for. Heading towards the nearest subway station wasn't easy when the crowd of rude New Yorkers did everything in their might to block his path. It felt like the universe colluded to make his life miserable. When Sebastian finally got to NYU and found the class he needed to be in, he sighed angrily, wanting this day to be over.

Classes were awful. Students were obnoxious and his friends annoying. He felt like a ticking bomb ready to burst in the least expected moment. And as the day progressed, he felt helplessness overwhelm him. It was no longer irritating not to be able to do the things he wanted or even needed to do; it felt a lot like losing control over _life itself_. He made an effort, tried really hard for something in his life, but it felt like the universe decided he was going to suffer that day and there was no positive thing that could possibly happen. It was scary how dependant he was.

Sebastian, having his own problems, didn't realize he hadn't got any texts from Kurt since the last day they had spoken; that was almost 3 days ago. It wouldn't be much if only they weren't texting each other all the time. So when Sebastian was on the way home and he surprisingly found a spot to sit down on the subway, he reached for his phone as usual.  The realization struck him, just then. He opened the text messenger reluctantly and typed in the words.

Sebastian didn't have well-developed intuition, but he had a feeling something might have been wrong. He was surprised how difficult it was to start a conversation with Kurt. Not as a result of a relatively long break but because he wasn’t familiar with the feeling of fear mixed with uncertainty when it came to talking with Kurt.

Even though Kurt’s mood apparent in their conversations was as witty and sassy as ever, Sebastian knew Kurt wasn’t the type of person who confided and shared all his worries. He liked to keep them to himself and deal with his problems on his own. Sebastian understood that; he knew what that need to control your life meant. He also knew that Kurt was still hurting. Sebastian was a very good observer and even though the texts were teasing and light-hearted, he had gotten to know Kurt much better than Kurt anticipated.

Sebastian knew there were troubles in paradise long before either Kurt or Blaine wanted to admit it. But he also saw how much Kurt loved Blaine. Even then, while sitting on an uncomfortable subway seat, staring at the blank screen, he wasn’t sure if, after all Kurt went through, he still had feelings for his ex-fiancé. And it surprised Sebastian how irritating the mere thought of Kurt loving Blaine was becoming each passing day. He didn’t really know where it was coming from. It crawled up on him and felt a lot like jealousy and fury. For he could feel how hurt Kurt still was. Not only because his “soul-mate” cheated on him, but also his supposed friends felt like it was their duty to set them up and fix them, ignoring Kurt's pain. Their attention would be more appreciated if their way of fixing things wasn’t blaming Kurt and trying to make him regret the break up decision due to pangs of conscience. Sometimes Sebastian wondered what made Kurt call them his “friends” when they sided with the one who made their friend suffer, so often.

 _“How's the virgin life of yours?”_ He tried in their usual manner, setting up a neutral ground.

The anxiety with which he awaited a reply from Kurt kind of annoyed the cocky young man. Sebastian couldn’t stay still. He waggled his leg, tapped his foot in a nervous rhythm and never stopped checking his screen. And when finally his phone lightened up with a new text message, he bit his lip nervously.

 _“Have you ever had a boyfriend?”_ Well, that wasn’t exactly a response Sebastian expected.

 _“I wouldn’t call him that…”_ He answered pensively.

_“Well, were you in love?”_

That day was becoming Sebastian’s one of the worst he had in a _very_ long time. He was angry and full of remorse. And then, Kurt had to bring up a period of time Sebastian wasn’t fond of.

To answer Kurt’s unexpected question, he would have to say yes. He could only imagine what an impact his confession had on Kurt. Yes, Sebastian Smythe- as wicked and dirty as he was, he knew what the word _love_ means. He found it funny and a little disappointing how much people liked to assume things. You make few innuendos and admit that you like to fuck like any other healthy teenage boy and suddenly you become the heartless slut. Sure he hadn’t necessarily had a boyfriend and systematically found sexual release during one night stands, but that didn’t automatically made him incapable of loving.

Back in Paris, when his sweet 16 Birthday was approaching, he met a handsome French guy who changed his perception of guys, pleasure and life. He was older and much more experienced. He liked Sebastian for his sharp tongue and lack of tact. He found it amusing. They met on the beach near Smythe’s summer beach house in Marseilles and called their relationship a summer fling. Though for Sebastian, it was nothing like a fling. He fell in love. However, Adrien wasn’t interested in naïve little boys. He left him a thanks-for-fucking--letter at the end of the summer and, without looking twice, he left a sleeping naked boy whose heart was going to break in a few hours.

Sebastian shook his head in order to chase off the somber thoughts and clear his vision to type in a short confirmation to Kurt’s question.

 _“Did you fall in love again?”_ Kurt continued the Inquisition.

And here it was. The million-dollar question. Did he?

_“Where is this all coming from, Kurt?”_

_“I’m afraid I’m never going to be in a relationship. And not because of not being able to fall in love. Relationships are about TRUST. What if I’m never going to trust again? Am I going to end up alone and miserable, with 3 cats that I don’t even like?!”_

Kurt was panicking, he wasn’t thinking straight. Sebastian could feel it. But he didn’t feel strong enough to try and comfort him. The more Sebastian knew how badly Kurt was coping with the cheating, the more he felt anger burning inside him. He was angry at Kurt for falling for an idiot like Blaine Anderson, but mainly he was furious because of what Blaine had managed to do to Kurt. He destroyed him. The Kurt Hummel that Sebastian remembered was annoying, passionate and driven; a strong teenager for whom the world stood open. And New York served Kurt very well. It was the dream place for him, though in Sebastian’s opinion, the relationship with the attention-whore was slowly poisoning him and making him slow down his race for success.

If Sebastian was more considerate, maybe he would be angry, but he tried to talk to Blaine and make him see the world for what it really was. But Blaine was often an egotistic little bastard.  For Sebastian, Kurt’s long term happiness was much more important than a temporary cure for his broken trust. For Blaine, however, the broken trust was a minor issue that could be bandaged so they could move on.

However, what Sebastian didn’t see coming was the feeling he got whenever he thought of Kurt in pain, mental or physical. He presumed no human would like to see someone hurt and helpless, but the depth of his concern was unexpected. Though Sebastian hated admitting it, that strange feeling in his stomach and his wildly pumping heart weren’t symptoms of an illness. He was starting to care so deeply about Kurt Hummel because he… He liked him. He was slowly falling for that boy; on days like this, when he felt like he had no control over his life, realizing how much he cared was difficult. Sebastian was afraid. Maybe for the same reasons Kurt feared relationships and the need to give all of himself- his heart, soul and mind, his _trust_ \- to someone else and hope that they would care for and protect them.

The green-eyed boy stared at the message Kurt sent and, with his heart in his throat, he typed in a question.

_“Do you trust ME?”_

Sebastian was conflicted. Fear associated with the realization of his emotions made him want to run and hide, to pretend his heart wasn’t yearning for Kurt. But, on the other hand, he wasn’t strong enough to do that and forego happiness and love. But he needed someone; he needed Kurt to _want_ to be in a relationship. He needed Kurt to want _him_ and be brave enough for both of them. He was in that state when he needed guidance and convincing that “everything’s going to be all right”.

To no avail Sebastian awaited a response from Kurt.

It made him hate Blaine even more. His brain decided it was Blaine who destroyed any hope for Sebastian to be happy.

 

* * *

 

Sebastian couldn't really explain what he was doing in front of Blaine's apartment door. He was panting. Supposedly from running up the stairs but the main reason behind his out-of-breath state was _rage_. He felt anger boiling in his veins at the mere thought of gel-helmeted boy. But even though the irritation he felt was overwhelming, he still couldn't recall the logic behind his decision to take a long subway ride to some questionable district of New York after 8pm to call Blaine Anderson on his bullshit.

He took a deep breath and banged on Blaine’s brown apartment door. Soon enough, the green-eyed boy heard shuffling footsteps and twisting of locks.

“…Sebastian?” There he stood. Blaine Anderson, in all his glory, wearing a yellow t-shirt and grey pants, barefooted. His gelled up hair glistened in a fake yellow light from the corridor ceiling lamp.

“Yes, that’s me, Sherlock. Now let me in.” The taller boy growled, not even waiting for Blaine to make him enough space to come in, but pushing him away from the entrance.

To say the least, Blaine was baffled. Sebastian Smythe was in his little apartment in New York City. Sebastian with whom Blaine hadn't spoken to for a year. Sebastian, who had hit on him- hard- the last time they saw each other on the day Blaine that proposed to Kurt. So Sebastian’s rude attitude was confusing Blaine.

“Do you want something to drink?” Blaine asked not forgetting to behave like a host even when badly treated.

“No. I have much more better things to do than being here.” Sebastian snapped, but Blaine decided not to bother with his behavior and went to the kitchen for a glass of cool water. When he returned, he asked THE question.

“So why are you even here, if you don’t want to be?”

“I came to ask you a question that I’d really like to know the answer to.  Are you fucking out of your mind?!” Sebastian shouted, making Blaine freeze in place, surprised and offended.

“No, that was rhetorical. You have to be, if you - a _gay_ man - cheated on Kurt with a _girl_.” Sebastian snickered, starting to pace.

“How do you know that?! Kurt told you?” Sebastian thought for a second Blaine’s eyes would pop out of its sockets.

“Does it matter?” Sebastian arched his brow.

“I don’t fucking need people roaming about and spilling my secrets. It’s nobody’s business. He’s a liar! He promised he wouldn’t say a thing…! We had a deal and he... oh my god…! He even told YOU!”

Sebastian’s level of rage got higher and higher with every word Blaine had said.

“You cheated on him, Blaine!”

“You know nothing! You know nothing, Sebastian. You weren’t there.” Blaine roared, hurt evident in his eyes. “I felt so alone. I felt like I wasn’t needed anymore. Kurt had everything and everyone and was good on his own. Everyone wanted Kurt. He was admired, he was a star!”

“Blaine, your… reasoning is insane already, but I feel the need to highlight the fact that you cheated on him with a _girl_! Who does that?!”

“Oh god! You too?! Why do you care so much who was it with? To cheat with a man or woman, what’s the difference? The result is the same. I and Kurt are broken up. Brittany did nothing wrong. She wanted to help me be convincing as a straight man, if I wanted to go to LA and get a job as an actor.”

Blaine gulped his water and put it down on a wooden dresser. He looked awful. He was devastated and disheartened. He sat on a sofa and put his gelled head in his arms. But Sebastian didn’t have a soft enough heart to feel affected.

Sebastian was a lot of things. He was mean, tactless, selfish and demanding. But there was almost nothing worse than betrayal. It was one of the things that crossed out the person in his eyes in an instant. It’s something that he’s incapable of forgiving. And to cheat on Kurt? Even when he didn’t have… feelings for Kurt Hummel, he respected him for many reasons. He was sure he would react similarly even without those dizzying, warming emotions making his heart skip a beat.

The green-eyed boy looked at Blaine attentively and started to laugh.

“Oh god. Did you… did you really think you could manipulate me into feeling sorry for and consoling you? You are the cheater here.”

Blaine’s cheeks were slowly turning pink. The gel-headed boy had to blink away the surprise. The slight humiliation didn’t obscure the anger boiling in his veins, though.

“Fuck off, Sebastian! I didn’t ask you to come here. Why do you even care so much? What made you hate me so much, all of a sudden? Was it because I didn’t want you and chose Kurt instead?” Blaine stood up, not being able to sit when the anger flooded his veins.

“Yeah, sure. Look what it led to.” Sebastian snickered “Oh, and Blaine? Every day, since that afternoon in Lima Bean, I thank the Lord and every goddess for saving me from fucking your sorry ass. Kurt told me how horrible you are in bed. So needy and…”

Suddenly, Sebastian felt a sharp pain shooting through his head, making him stop talking, blurring his vision and reel, dizzily. Blaine had hit him. _Hard_.

“ _Oh well, so much for lying.”_ Sebastian thought to himself.

Blaine’s punch imbalanced him. Sebastian lurched and fell into the dresser. In his hasty scramble for support, he knocked off a picture frame and a glass of water that broke into million pieces. His head hurt like hell. He cautiously touched the quickly swelling bruise. There was blood coming down his face from his right eyebrow. _Shit!_ He forgot Blaine had been boxing since high school.

“What the hell?!” Sebastian shouted angrily at Blaine who was pushing him out of his apartment.

“You're still asking? Fuck off and leave Kurt alone. You’re an asshole; he should know better, that slut! Fuck you both!” Blaine cursed and slammed the door closed in Sebastian’s face.

“The pot calling the kettle black…” Sebastian muttered angrily, cautiously reaching a hand to his cut eyebrow and shooting daggers at Blaine’s apartment door.

He reached for his phone to use as a mirror and see the damage Blaine’s fist did to his eye and eyebrow. He wasn’t eager to examine the cut. There was a reason behind his definitive negative response to his parents’ expectations to study medicine.

To his great astonishment, there was a text message from Kurt Hummel beaming at him.

_“Yes. Yes, I do trust you.”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A penny for your thoughts? Please, leave a review so I can breathe again.


	3. Falling In Love

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, dear readers!
> 
> Wow, this chapter turned out to be a little dramatic. But I shouldn't be surprised, it's Kurt and Sebastian we are talking about. And they never do "easy".
> 
> Thanks, all of you who enjoy my story and leave wonderful comments. I love them. And please, never stop doing this. I love you. 
> 
> There's been some mailbox problem between me and my amazing beta, @BrighidsForge, but she covered it and thank God she did.
> 
> I hope you'll like this chapter (which was supposed to be the last one, but... you'll see at the end, why I have to continue with the next).
> 
> Enjoy! And please, let me know how you liked it.

* * *

 

Sebastian had heard about love. He'd read about love. He sang about love… He f _elt_ love. And there was one thing he was sure of when it came to that feeling: _Love is indefinable_. Love is everything and nothing. Love is different for everybody. Love is different _with_ every other person you fall for. And you can’t live without love.

There was one quote he believed spoke volumes in that subject.  “ **We know little about love. Love is like a pear. A pear is sweet and has a shape. Try to _define_ a pear’s shape** ”.

Sebastian could dwell on every definition of love, try to reason with his heart and even forgo the feeling. But he knew very well how futile his attempts would be. The moment the realization hits you, you are doomed. There is no possible way to forget, deny or hide the emotion, once you realize how you feel about someone.

Sebastian cursed as he sat on his leather sofa with a frozen pack of green peas soothing his temple in his Upper East Side apartment. He was hurting. He felt like an elephant sat on his head. That throbbing pain shooting down from his right temple felt a lot like a preview to one of the bitchiest migraines he'd ever had. The cut eyebrow that he'd "fixed" with a Band-aid was stinging with every move he made. He knew he’d get an ugly scar if he didn’t go to the hospital and have it stitched, but he felt like maybe he deserved one. He needed something to remember not to be such a stupid asshole in the future. Besides, he didn’t want to get out of his apartment and stroll the city streets in the middle of the night, already looking beaten up.

“The best fucking day of my fucking life…” Sebastian muttered, giving up as he tried to find a comfortable position, considering the state his head was in, with stiffening arms and numb-frozen hands from holding the pack of green peas to his temple for such a long time. Finally, he decided on laying down on his left side, leaving the convenience food on his face being held in place by gravity. He stuffed his frozen hands under his armpits, and waited for them to regain feeling.

The green-eyed boy stared at the wall, full of his beloved books, with unseeing eyes, thinking. He thought of Kurt, his parents, Blaine and his past. He thought of Adrien, the first boy he ever fell for. Sebastian reminisced about the bittersweet days spent sunbathing on one of the _Côte d'Azur_ beaches, swimming in the Mediterranean Sea and exploring his sexuality. He could hear Adrien’s contagious laughter; see his sparkling brown eyes full of mystery and child-like fascination, strong arms and skilled hands that got him off in the kinkiest of places. He recalled the complex bouquet of sea food, sun kissed skin and sex. He heard the monotonous swooshing of the sea, wrestling of sheets, the sound of skin slapping skin, hips meeting every thrust and moans of pleasure filling the crisp night air. He could feel the stinging pang in his heart, the twisting and turning of his stomach, the tightening of throat and burning eyes from unshed tears, as if it were only today that he woke up alone for the first time in almost two months, greeted by the short letter Adrien left on his side of bed.

Suddenly, he felt chilling drops of water coming down his cheek and forehead into his hair from the slowly defrosting pack of green peas. He shuddered as the water collected in his ear, making  crackling sounds echo in his still-aching head.

“Fuck!” Sebastian roared, springing to his feet from his prone position. “Fuuuck..!” He groaned, slowly sinking back onto the sofa, as the consequences of his rush hit him, making him dizzy and sore. He touched his head hesitantly, but as the emotions of the whole day surfaced, he hid his face in his hands and emitted a broken sound of helplessness.

 

* * *

 

_Knockknockknockkncock_

Sebastian felt like shit for the second morning in a row. His head was heavy, throbbing with a persistent ache that made him want to throw up; to make things worse, someone decided to torture him by fucking _destroying_ his apartment door with a hammer. Sebastian groaned in pain and tucked his head underneath the pillow.

_Knockknockknockkncock_

The ex-Warbler knitted his eyebrows in desperation and the silent tears of misery and frustration shook his body. He was so sore all over that he didn’t even realize the grimace of despair and pain opened his barely healed wound over the eyebrow.

Sebastian groaned one more time and rolled out of his bed-sheets.  He tried to open his eyes, but the second the white light hit his eyes, he closed them again.

“Fuck.”

  _Knockknockknockkncock_

“What the fuck is your problem, asshole?” Sebastian muttered grudgingly when he finally opened the door, squinting his eyes.

He was met with the sharp intake of breath and a short, heavy silence, before he heard Kurt Hummel saying his name.”… _Sebastian_?”

And he groaned yet again, shutting his eyes completely and touching his apartment door with his forehead. “Fuck my life…”

“Sebastian, what happened?” He felt the change in Kurt’s mood and the genuine care visible in his tone.

The taller boy turned away from the doorway and sat on the sofa he'd occupied the night before, letting Kurt in. “Just some misunderstanding.” He lied, not wanting to tell Kurt how he used him to insult Blaine by putting abusive words he knew Kurt would never say, in his mouth.

Kurt walked into the apartment, carefully (and silently) closed the door and stood between Sebastian’s spread legs, observing him with wide, discerning, _beautiful_ glasz eyes. The beaten up  taller boy felt the slim countertenor's gaze on him. He was being thoroughly examined by Kurt and he didn’t dare to look at him in that moment. Sebastian found Kurt beautiful and _very_ attractive on a daily basis, but seeing him so close, acting bossy and commanding, made Sebastian _horny_. Kurt Hummel was fucking sexy and Sebastian loved that look on him.

Kurt’s cool touch of fingertips caressing the swollen bruise with tenderness was unexpected, given Sebastian’s stubborn determination to keep his eyes closed. With Kurt being so close, touching him so gently, even delicately, Sebastian’s nostrils were filled with Kurt’s warm smell. Sebastian _felt_ his presence. He felt his touch and the warmth radiating from his body.  Emerald eyes still closed, he could breathe in Kurt's unique scent, hear his soft breathing, and even with his eyes closed, he saw him as a glowing beacon in his mind. Sebastian saw his silhouette like you see the sun shining through your eyelids…

He couldn’t stop the little gasp to escape him.

Immediately, as if Kurt strained his ears for Sebastian to make some kind of sound, he took his cool fingers away from him. “I’m sorry… I’m sorry if I hurt you.”

Sebastian’s eyes snapped open as soon as he felt Kurt’s soothing touch disappeared.

“No!” he rushed. “No… I’m sorry. Please, don’t stop” Sebastian panicked, entranced by Kurt’s mesmerizing eyes.

“Ok.” Kurt mumbled, starting to trace the bruise again.

Sebastian sighed contentedly in his mind.

“You’re so reckless, Sebastian…” Kurt tutted. “You can’t leave the cut like that and hope it will heal nicely. You have to go to hospital to have them sew your eyebrow back. You can get an infection.”

“I didn’t leave it _just like that_.” Sebastian reasoned. “I disinfected and put a plaster on it. It’s nothing…”

Kurt giggled. “You’re so doomed, Sebastian Smythe.”

Sebastian opened his eyes slowly and took in the sight before him. Kurt was smiling at him genuinely, his eyes twinkling, warm and tender.

 _He was beautiful_.

 “I think the green of your dino-plaster highlights the green of your eyes, Smythe.” Kurt smiled mischievously.

“Oh, piss off! They are my cousin’s plasters and they are great. Only Smythes can wear them.” Sebastian defended the childish plasters by hiding them from Kurt’s twinkling eyes with his hand.

“Yhm. I’m sure.” Kurt smiled, sitting down beside Sebastian.

“Why are you even here, Hummel?” The taller boy questioned, futilely trying to sound angry.

But he didn’t expect the sudden change in the air. Kurt’s expression metamorphosed from cherishing and light-hearted, to sober - if not somber and a little bit angry. His whole body stiffened.

“You know I don’t mind you being here, right?” Sebastian asked, not really understanding what could have happened.

The silence that accompanied him after Sebastian’s question prolonged and got heavy with unsaid things. But the green-eyed boy thought better than to break it and disturb Kurt collecting his thoughts and outlining how he needed to explain to Sebastian what was wrong.

“Blaine called me first thing in the morning.” Kurt said with an unreadable expression on his face.

“And?” Sebastian asked nonchalantly, although he knew he wouldn’t (and probably shouldn’t) be calm any longer, if the conversation was heading in the direction he anticipated.

Kurt sighed, a little disappointed. “He told me about your inquisition yesterday.”

Sebastian waited for Kurt to add something else so he could understand the reason behind having this conversation with Kurt, while sitting there with him on the couch in his apartment and not by texts, phone calls or… even on one of the coffee dates they had once in a while. But as the time passed and Kurt didn’t seem to want to talk again, Sebastian decided it was his turn.

“Somehow, I cannot actually believe he just _told_ you that we met yesterday.” He sneered.

Kurt looked at him attentively with eyes that suddenly turned icily cold.

“If you want to know, he called me few names, yes, but it doesn’t matter. What matters is that I want you to fucking explain to me why did you feel the need to go to Blaine and talk to him about _me_ and _my_ problems.” Kurt didn’t have to raise his voice to make sure Sebastian understood how furious he really was.

“Not everything is about you, princess.” Sebastian’s temper rose at the accusation in Kurt’s voice. And hell, how could he explain? “Maybe the conversation we had didn’t turn out the way I expected it to, but I had to understand what the hell Blaine thought when he cheated on you, Kurt.”

“And what is it to you?! What makes you think that you have _the right_ to understand him?” Kurt shouted, standing up from the couch.

And, ouch, Kurt’s words hurt.

“I wanted to help you. You were sad and depressed and all I wanted was to help you out of it.” Sebastian admitted.

“For fuck’s sake! I’m not a damsel in distress, needing to be saved, or some delicate flower. I am a man! I survived Karofsky, I survived my dad’s heart attack and prostate cancer, I survived the sudden death of my half-brother and dear friend, I dealt with homophobes, I got beaten up, thrown into dumpsters and had to be hospitalized because I stood up to bullies. I fucking dealt with it all and I’m sure I can deal with heartbreak.” Kurt panted with the frustration boiling in his veins.

Sebastian felt conflicted. He was offended and angered by Kurt. He knew how _strong_ Kurt was, the tall brunette didn’t want to mess with Kurt or make him feel helpless. Kurt impressed him with that very strength.  Sebastian just needed to understand so he could help. That’s what friends do:  help each other. But on the other hand, Kurt’s outrage was fucking hot. He loved seeing Kurt so worked up, flushed from host of emotions, eyes shining, posture confident and livid. He was fierce. He was full of passion. He was aflame.

“I’m sorry I wanted to be a _friend_.” Sebastian growled. “I’m sure your majesty can manage any problems that come up.”

He was met with a deadly stare.

“I’m sure if only Queen the Bitchiest could come back on earth, where poor average people live, she would see that accepting help when offered is not a fucking big deal! It is actually considered worthy of a thank you.”

“You’re an asshole, Sebastian, and you know it. So stop pretending like you care; like you had some unselfish, highest motives, because you are _rotten_.” Kurt accused poisonously, stabbing Sebastian with his words, square in the heart.

“You saw right through me. Congratulations.” Sebastian whispered ironically, standing from the spot he was sitting at and headed to the kitchen, desperately needing to hide his anguished expression from the boy he had fallen in love with, but who thought so little of him.

“Don’t make me sound like the evil one, here. How can I be sure of anything you say to me? How can I be sure that you genuinely like me?” Kurt asked, with misty eyes.

Sebastian didn’t have the strength and courage to answer.

“How can I be sure that I am any different to you than any other person… Like Blaine, who you liked so much in high school, who considered you friends; you had no second thoughts when it came to saying those hurtful things to him. You _knew_ how he felt about himself lately; you _knew_ what a delicate matter sex life became to him. And using me against him… was plain cruel.” Kurt accused, as the angry tears started falling down his lovely, flushed face.

Sebastian’s heart skipped a beat.

“And I trusted you… You _made_ me trust you, and care for you, and… You made me believe…” Kurt couldn’t end the sentence. He left it hanging in the air, unfinished. His throat tightened, eyes burned and cheeks glistened in the morning sun from shed tears. He looked at Sebastian with a broken stare.

“Aren’t you going to say something? To defend yourself, mock me, shout at me… No?” Kurt hiccupped; his expression becoming even more disappointed with every passing second Sebastian remained silent, staring into space.

“Ok.” Kurt whispered brokenly. He turned his head from the taller boy, wiped away freshly gathering tears and tried to get his breathing under control.

Sebastian’s whole body ached. And not because of his physical state.

As he watched Kurt gathering his things and slowly heading out of his apartment, defeated, Sebastian howled in his head. His heart was breaking into millions of pieces.

“I… I am…”  On this fateful morning, everything that really mattered seemed to be left unsaid. “I… Goodbye, Sebastian.” Kurt said, turning his back to the other boy, hoping Sebastian wouldn't see the misery in the depth of his broken blue eyes.

But something in that silly dramatic sentence made Sebastian snap out of his funk.

He couldn’t do a thing, back in France, when Adrien left him alone. He wasn’t even aware he planned on leaving him. He thought Adrien was slowly falling head over heels for him, too. It wasn’t only about sex. They had spent days talking about the future, about their dreams and things they loved and despised. They shared romantic kisses, they walked hand in hand, explored the city and wild beaches together. And when the stars started shining, they weren’t only fucking. Sure, they had passion; they were wild and kinky and horny, but also, they were _making love_. Sebastian was as shallow and stupid as a barely sixteen teenage boy can be; his love and the meaning behind “making love” was the understanding of a barely sixteen teenage boy. But none of it should belittle the _power_ of that same barely sixteen teenage boy’s love.

Back then, Sebastian and his happiness was dependant to someone else. And Adrien made a choice that Sebastian despised. He couldn’t let Kurt go without knowing how he felt, when he still had a chance. So he let his mouth slip the secret his heart longed to share.

“I love you.”

Kurt stopped in his track, petrified. His eyes turned wide, his breath quickened and he was sure his heart skipped a beat. But as the silence continued, he was sure his insane mind decided to torture him with hallucinations. He shook his head, as if trying to forget the warm fuzzy feeling spreading from his heart all over his body, and started to walk again.

But this time, he was stopped not by the familiar sound of Sebastian’s silky voice, but the feel of a smooth warm hand closing on his clothed wrist. He shuddered. Suddenly, Kurt became supremely aware of Sebastian’s nearness...his presence. Kurt felt warmth radiating from the tall body pressed against his back. Sebastian's cool breath was tickling his neck and making his skin turn into goosebumps.

“I love you, Kurt.” Sebastian whispered into his ear, and this time Kurt couldn’t even pretend he didn’t hear the heartfelt confession.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Embolded sentence is Andrzej Sapkowski's love quote. He is a Polish fantasy writer best known by the book series "The Witcher". And I love him :)
> 
> So... What do you think?


End file.
